1 year-olds are fantastic

A photo essay of Nathaniel's recent escapades:

Toy bucket helmet

Reading in his chair

Coloring adventures (at least it was just pencil)

Can you tell what's wrong in this photo?
(yep. That's a calculator sitting in the humidifier)

When you leave the groceries on the floor,
someone is bound to find the apples.

He carried it around all morning.

Needless to say, Mom and Dad giggle every day because of this guy. Thanks for being such a wonderful boy, Nathaniel!

Gloom-ishness

Today is a bit of a gloomy day. I don't quite know how to explain it. I don't feel constant gloom. It's just interwoven between everything. I have these happy moments with Nathan, or a conversation with Chris and I feel happy. Then a few minutes later the gloom-ishness comes back.

I'm sharing this on the blog, not because I want pity, or because I'm in despair. I just wanted to share because I'm trying to not numb my feelings. I'm trying to work through them and along side them. We came to this earth to have the good and the bad, the happy and the painful. Even though the gloom is uncomfortable, I think I'm supposed to feel it, not try to block it out.

And you know, when I acknowledge that I'm feeling down, for some reason it helps me feel more like digging deep and pulling through. When I hide or try to suppress my emotions, they just end up building like a pressure cooker until I melt down. It's like I have to face the feelings at some point, and I think it's a lot healthier for me to face them as they come, rather than stuff them under the rug until they're bulging out and then I have to deal with all of them at the same time.

What do you think? What helps you when you're feeling the gloom-ishness (from depression or from anything else)?

A bit bowled over by tender mercies

So it's a little psycho right now at the Machado household. Here's the bulleted list explanation:

• Chris is student teaching in Spanish Fork (with the awesome Shea Bradshaw)
• Chris is assisting in BYU Men's Chorus this year (and they have auditions/callbacks this week)
• Chris is the assistant conductor in Cantorum, an early music choir that got started in the Provo/Orem area a couple years ago
• Chris is teaching several voice students at the Art City Music Academy
• Sarah is pregnant (due October 26th)
• Sarah is taking care of a 17-month-old boy
• Sarah is training two new employees at Art City Music requiring about 16 hours a week (this is in preparation for her to leave when the baby comes)
• We only have one car
• We are poor college students
• Both Chris and Sarah have two callings at church and are home/visiting teachers
• etc...

It's been a week of ups and downs for me. That's for sure. The depression makes things seem bleaker, and it also combines with pregnancy to make simple things a lot more stressful. But holy. cow. I have been shocked at all the love and support friends and family have extended to us. As an example, let me tell you a story from this morning...

Chris went off to school at about 7:00, and I had a 32-week checkup with the doctor at 9:20. We've been asking everyone and their dog for help with babysitting and rides, so I decided that I'd walk the 11 blocks to the doctor's office and push Nathaniel in the stroller. Things went great until I actually took a look at the stroller. Two flat tires. hmmm.... well I knew we had a bike pump... even though I'd never used it. So I tried to pump up the tires myself.

No luck. Part of me thought, "how bad could it be to push the stroller on flat tires?" and decided to start walking. After about half a block, I realized it was not going to work. I started praying that somehow God would help us get to the doctor's office and that things would work out. 

After retrieving our bike pump from the apartment, I had the thought to see if my friend Beverly's car was in her driveway (she lives just around the corner from us). It was there. Not really sure what to ask for, but knowing that I needed help, I went and knocked on her door. She answered and I just asked, "Are you any good with a bike pump?" and explained about my flat tires. Beverly said that she wasn't, but her boys or her brother (who happened to be there) might be able to help. Her brother got down on the ground and pumped up those tires beautifully, and meanwhile, Beverly told me that if we were running late, she could give us a ride over to the doctor's office, and we could just put our stroller in her trunk.

I was sooo grateful. Beverly and I have been good friends since we first moved into the ward, and every possible chance she has to help, I have seen her jump in with a smile on her face to help out someone in need. She's one of my heroes to be sure.

So, tires pumped, we hopped into Beverly's car and ended up being a little early for my appointment thanks to the time we saved driving instead of walking.

I don't know how to express my gratitude to her and my Heavenly Father for their help. It was so much more than just getting us out of a physical predicament. It saved me from the emotional and mental turmoil I was swimming through (thanks to my depressed and pregnant body).

And so many other people have helped us too. Here's a list of some of the blessings:

• Babysitting for several hours from former roommates, friends and ward members
• Rides for me and Nathaniel to and from work and other places
• Co-workers who are fun to be with and lift my spirits
• A bag full of fresh fruit hanging from our door when we got home last night
• Boxes of Chex cereal for $1.49 at Macey's and a husband who went and got me 12 boxes
• A check from a dear Grandma to help us make ends meet
• Encouraging words from friends and family
• A mother who is coming to stay with us for a few days next week to help out
• A visit from Mom, Shanna, Abbie, and Grandma on Labor Day with delicious food provided
• Hugs from my little boy when I've been sad
• Help from my little boy when chores need to be done (he helped empty the whole dishwasher yesterday. He'd grab a dish. Hold it out to me. Say "uh?" and I'd put it away)
• Listening ears and encouragement from Christopher when I'm freaking out
• etc...

Like I said, I don't know how to express my gratitude. I'm just bowled over by the love. Thanks guys. You all are definitely helping to lift up the hands that hang down. May God bless each and every one of you.